The Origins of Valentine's Day

A long time ago, there was this priest name of Valentine. The stories vary as to why but, inevitably, he pissed off the Roman Emperor, Claudius, and was thrown into jail for it. Now, this priest apparently fell in love with some girl, perhaps one who visited him every day, and he wrote her letters signed, "From your Valentine". She may have been the jailor's daughter - go figure. Again, the stories vary but they all claimed that he was heroic, sympathetic, and romantic... all that AND he died for it - it's one of those little rules them Catholics have about Sainthood: ya gotta be a martyr. By the middle ages, obviously some time after he got whacked by Claudius's goons (around 270 BC), he was one of the most popular Saint's in all of Christendom, particularly in France and England.

In typical Christian fashion, the date chosen is likely due to the fact that some pagan sect celebrated some rite or feastday on or about the same time. No, really, the Christians used all sorts of dates from other religions to make it easier for conversion. Hey, I'm a Christian and I will admit to it. Easter, Christmas, Palm Sunday... ALL of these dates can find their origins in other religions. It was good politics, really. The date in question for Valentine's day was Lupercalia, a fertility festival dedicated to Faunus, then Roman god of agriculture. It was also a day to celebrate the mythical founders of Rome, Romulus and Remus. It was named Lupercalia because those 2 Roman boys were supposedly raised by a she-wolf, a Lupa, as babes. They would have a big old hootenannie and then sacrifice a goat, for fertility, and a, get this, a dog, for purification. *(Of course, according to some, particularly Jules in Pulp Fiction, a dog is a dirty animal. He wouldn't go so far as to call them filthy, but definitely dirty - cause, you know, personality goes a long way...)

Young men would then take the goat hide, cut it into strips, dip the strips into the sacrificial blood, and take off running, gently slapping both women and crop fields - to spread fertility, one must assume.... and, suprise surprise, the chicks DUG IT. They actually liked getting whipped with some bloody goat hide.

No, I am not just making this sh1t up. Seriously. I am getting this from the Wikipedia and History Channel... so, you KNOW it's all true, right?

The single women would later put their names in a big urn and the single guys would go draw a name. The men and women would hook up for the rest of the year... yeah, talk about the first dating service, eh? Many of these pairings apparently ended in marriage.

Eventually, in 498 AD, Pope Gelasius declared Valentine's day to be Feb 14th, the current modern date for celebrating. Of course, the whole big urn thing was outlawed cause, well, them Christians, then as now, were a bit on the uptight side as far as sex and all that. Go figure.


The Brits and the Frogs later (in those middle ages) decided that bird mating season starts on that same day, lending more to the whole romance and mating theme. Them wacky medievalists.

The oldest known Valentine in existence was written by Charles, the Duke of Orleans, to his wife, while he was locked up in the Tower of England after the unfortunate battle of Agincourt. This same battle was fought on Saint Crispin's day. Shakespeare immortalized the battle in his play, Henry V, wherein a stirring speech was given. This same speech was also used in that not quite so great movie , Renaissance Man, starring Danny DeVito.

Now, WHY do I bother to tell you all this?

I don't know... just late for V-Day, I guess.