Internet Outage

Apparently, I didn't give Al Gore proper homage some time in the past year. This has caused my internet access to be severely curtailed. (This is also known as technical difficulties beyond the ken of mortal man)

I should be back in the saddle within a few days, or at least let you reader(s?) out there known what's up. My apologies for any inconvenience this temporary outage will cause you, if any. Until then, let it be known that BOTH Part 7's will INDEED be written upon my return from the

Land of No Access.

Consider yourself/ves warned.

Oh, and have a happy, happy day.
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ROAD TRIP - Part 6

... So I got up on the "stage" and took her guitar and mic. It was a Takamine guitar - some people like them, but I'm partial to my Martin of course, and it had no guitar strap. Now, for most of you, this would present no problem, but as I am a bit on the horizontally challenged side, well, half of my effort and energy spent on stage was used holding this guitar from sliding off my leg onto the floor. That would have been bad. I mean, here I am, taking HER stage, and then dropping her nice guitar on the floor. Sweet, yeah? Anyway...

Well, I opened with a couple of Jack Johnson and Ben Harper tunes and a Beatle's Blackbird to boot, and much to my surprise, the audience there really seemed to enjoy them. In fact, a few couples actually got up and danced, and there was good, solid applause after each song. "This hardly ever happens back in Virginia, " I thought to myself, ".. then again, we ARE talking about Richmond, after all." Even the girl, whose gig it was, seemed impressed. I can hardly blame her.

See, I've played a number of gigs, and I've had all sorts come up and ask me if they could play a tune or two, and generally, I say "no" - usually they are very drunk and, sorry, I'm not going to hand over my expensive, cherished gift of a guitar for you to drop and break, just to satisfy your rock and roll fantasy, mmkay? So I understand the concerns she likely had with letting me up there at HER gig and playing HER guitar. I'm pretty certain that at least part of her expression upon hearing me play was simply relief - relief that I actually did have at least a tiny clue as to what I was doing.

Now then. it was after those first few tunes that my previous conversation (as seen in Part 5, available online NOW) with the young fellows at the nearby table came into play.

"GIVE US SOME 'D' !!! " they shouted.

The table across from those 2 boys was filled with another group of Marine supporters - I could tell by all the red they were wearing in support of the 1st Battalion. Most of them were in their 20's and they joined in the chorus call for some Tenacious D... "Yeah, Tenacious D!!! Play some 'D' !!"

Now, having already gotten in trouble playing some of my... umm, how shall I say it, less than politically correct and polite music, discretion reared its faithful head and responded. "Umm, well, that probably wouldn't be a good idea. I dont' want to offend anyone and that's some very, VERY risque stuff."

Naturally, this immediately resulted in much hooting and hollering. "YEAH! Give it to us! The 'D' "

"Come on, now," I pleaded with them. "The song I usually play of theirs start with an 'F' and rhymes with 'truck'... I can't play it unless I have been given permission." I mean, the last thing I wanted to do while in South Carolina, a state that still has some very severe BLUE LAWS, was to get arrested and carted off. I was just down there to watch some boys graduate from the Marine Corps, you know? It just wouldn't do to be stuck in a slammer for a long weekend, would it? I mean, they DON'T PLAY down there. They had signs posted in construction zones down there that stated, "Speeding in Work Zones = $500 and 30 days"

In case you misread that:

$500 and 30 days

So they don't just smack you on the hands.

But the crowd was VERY insistent.

So insistent, in fact, that they 2 of my party, the girl whose gig it was, the waitresses ( one of whom happened to be the owner's daughter) all went around and asked each and everybody there if they would be offended if I sang a song with offensive language and sex in it....

and then... Part 7

ROAD TRIP - Part 5

... there was a girl playing a gig there. A very attractive blond with a nice enough voice and an easy going stage manner. She had a music stand in front of her, which led me to wonder if this were perhaps an open mic situation, given that it was also a Thursday night and not a weekend. I mentioned this to the rest of my group and they egged me on into asking her to let you play a few songs.

Now, who am I to not take a dare?

So I went up on her set break and asked her if I could play a few tunes... She looked me up and down and said, "Not right now, but... how long are you going to be here? We usually 'open things up a bit' when it gets later in the evening."

I said, "I think we'll be here for at least an hour or so, maybe longer. Depends on how much my crew wants to drink." to which she told me she'd let me know when I could take the stage.

On the way back to the group table, some young guys asked me what I played, having overheard the conversation. I said, "Well, a little bit of everything, from nice to nasty. A little Jack Johnson. Some Ben Harper, Loggins and Messina, some originals, Aerosmith, Zeppelin... oh, and Tenacious D, of course."

Their eyes lit up at the last one. "The D?! Sweet!"

So... time passed, which is what it usually does. The pretty singer got back up on stage and did a few more songs and called up one fellow from the audience to play spoons and then the bongos with her. Not the most musical fellow, but people there seemed to enjoy the show.

And then she called me up...

Part 6 - coming soon...
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Go Figure. Friday the 13th. Tagged

Wouldn't you know it, it's Friday the 13th... I thought I'd do some actual blog READING for once, and I find I've been tagged. See? It really is the 13th!!

Rules are as follows: Remove the blog at #1 from the following list and bump everyone up one place; add your blog to the #5 spot. (Not sure what exactly that is supposed to do, but here goes...)

• Mamalicious
• Here's Your Sign
• MamaKBear's World
• Not so silent lucidity
• Redneck Hoo Ha

Next: Select 5 new friends to piss off.
According to some people, I don't have any friends. Maybe I can count my toes?

• the one that went to market
• the stay at home one
• beef-eater
• hungry toe
• the crybaby pansy-ass toe
  

What were you doing 10 years ago?

• I was working 4 jobs - pizza delivery, 7-11, a pool hall, and as a contract software developer (who wasn't getting paid on time, dammit)

What were you doing 1 year ago?

• House shopping.

Five snacks you enjoy:

• Macadamia nut - almond - cashew mix
• Hot pork rinds (okay, so I'm PART redneck)
• Dark chocolate in almost any form
• Beautiful women
• Japanese rice crackers

Five songs to which you know all the lyrics:

• Flake - Jack Johnson
• Men are Assholes - me
• Paradise by the Dashboard Light - Meat Loaf
• American Pie - yep, ALL them damned words - Don McLean
• F**k Her Gently - Tenacious D

Five things you would do if you were a millionaire:

• Pay off all my bills
• Help friends and family with their debt
• Concentrate on music, movies, and writing
• Do random acts of kindness - borrowed that one. It sounds nice
• Hand a bunch over to my money wizard friend, so I can continue all of the above

Five bad habits:

• Smoking - hell, I'm coughing right now. And I had actually quit for a FEW YEARS! Nicotine is THE DEVIL
  
• Procrastinating
• Eating all the wrong foods at all the wrong times
• Being overly critical
• Most of my work habits are of questionable value - I work hard and I work late... but I shouldn't HAVE to...
  

Five things you like doing:

• Sex
• Being a crowd ho - playing live music
• Video editing/creation
• More sex. Okay, beyond that, umm... writing songs, be they funny or otherwise
• Winning
  

Five things you would never wear again:

• An entire track suit as an outfit
• Member's Only jacket
• Narrow ties
• a mullet
• tighty whities
  

Five favorite toys:

• My guitars
• Roland VG-88 - I guess this goes along with my guitars, really
  
• My computers
• My multi-calibered collection
• My 72 Cutlass 442

Thanks GOOBERGIRL !!!

And happy Friday the 13th everyone.

HNT 00 - Hello!! Now's Thursday...

Dammit. It's Thursday AGAIN??

Ahh well, no decent pic to post this week... hell, not even a crap pic for that matter.

On the plus side, we got another gig for next Friday. And I've completed a number of new good tunes, which have so far received good reviews. Yes, yes, yes. For those 5-10 readers out there who are interested, I promise I will let you know when the CD is done and ready for release. Until then, anyone out there have any hints on proper copyrighting procedure? I know I should be able to bundle up an entire chunk of selected works and send them in as a whole...

And I have a question regarding parodies of songs... I have several of those... so any lawyers out there, feel free to chime in. I'll make sure to give some cred in the liner notes of my MEGA-HIT-to-be!!

Peace!

ROAD TRIP - Part 4

So that evening... there was a gathering to happen at a restaurant known as J.P's, somewhere not far from the base. Being that the recruits were not allowed off base until AFTER graduation, this was just for the family and friends of the recruits. We were asked to wear certain colors, depending on which battalion the boys were in - the color for 1st Battalion is red, so we all went back to the hotel after Family day on base, got decked out in some red gear, and headed back to JP's.

We arrived a bit later than most of the other families, apparently. Of course, those of you who know me simply accept this as a part of the wop ritual. Now, to be quite honest, I am not ALWAYS late. I am, generally, on time... of course, I think my clock may still be running on what is known as Hawaiian time...

dammit... blogger problems...

Part 4b coming next!
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Me Me Monday #58-59

58. I was rear-ended by a drunk dude the week before Christmas and he tried to flee the scene by driving off
59. I chased his ass down in my car and got all the info for the cops

Since these two were related, I put them both in here.

Some months before, my then girlfriend and I had broken off our engagement for various reasons. I still spoke to her (and still do from time to time) and was, in fact, in the process of purchasing her Honda Del Sol from her. She needed the money and didn't need to spend the cash on insurance. I needed a reliable ride to replace the Soccer Mom Volvo I had acquired the year previous... It was cute and had a cd player (which the Volve did not) and, hey, while it might only be HALF a convertible, half a convertible is better than none. Plus, with the recent price-jacking of gas, I sure do like the 33/40 mpg the car gets. In defense of the Volvo, let me just say that HEATED SEATS ROCK. That alone is worth at least 2 inches of "stroke" with the ladies, trust me on this one.

Now then, where was I? Oh yes, the accident. It was a dreary chilly night in December as I slowed to a stop at the light on Forest Hill at Belt Boulevard. I was behind a young lady in some new-ish foreign car in the right lane and there were a couple cars in the left lane. The light was red. Still red. In my rear view mirror I saw headlights approaching. Ever since the incident the year prior when I had been rear-ended in my Camaro on an otherwise empty 4-lane street, I had taken to doing so, just in case...

Well, dammit, it was happening again.

I saw the car approaching. It was coming too fast. It wasn't slowing. I had nowhere I could go, with a car in front of me, curb to the right of me, and another 2 cars to the left of me.

CRAP.

I leaned back in my seat and put my head back into the headrest to brace myself for impact which I knew to be coming. The screeching and squaling of locked up brakes then began... this had taken all of but a few seconds...

WHAM!!!

The jarring impact slid me up the back of the seat where my head hit the top crossbar in the Del Sol - this was the cross bar supporting member that the removable roof attached to in the rear of the cabin.

Ouch.

Recovering from the initial collision, and annoyed - I mean, I know the brake lights on the car worked and there were 4 of us at the stop light all stopped. How do you miss that?? Well, I unhooked my seatbelt and made to get out of the car to survey the damage when I heard the unmistakable sound of a car backing up... I looked in my rear view and he was, indeed, backing up. I thought perhaps he was just going to do so in order to have space between the vehicles.... yet he continued to drive back...

"What the f*ck?" I said out loud to myself. "What the hell is he doing...?"

And he then turned his vehicle a bit and pulled forward... looked like he was going to stop and then he continued into the far left lane, which was a turning lane.

"Oh, hell no you DON'T!" I shouted and closed my door and slammed the gear shift into reverse. I revved the car and popped the clutch and my little Del Sol spun wheels as I backed up. There was no way in hell I was going to let him hit and run me. Hell no!

Bang into first and I pull up behind him in the turn lane. He barely checked traffic both ways before running the red light turning left. I was right on his ass, trying to decipher his license plate, avoid traffic, and get through the intersection safely. The adrenalin was flowing through my veins, my heart was thumping in my chest, and my anger had seethed beyond my vision. Hell no, he wasn't going to ESCAPE ME!

From the divided road known as Westover HIlls Boulevard, he took the very next left - a one way street... only going THE WRONG WAY. This really didn't register with me as I chased him down this narrow roadway until I noticed that ALL the parked cars here were FACING ME. I was flying up this road 30.. 40... 50mph up the wrong way of this tiny little neighborhood street, steering with one hand, and trying to put my seat belt on, shift gears, and dial 911 on my cell phone all at the same time.

A random thought drifted past me at this point - This was one reason to be a cop in a car chase - the adrenalin rush is UNREAL.

He took a left turn without stopping at the intersection and pulled up at a light on Forest Hill Avenue, just back a ways from where he had rammed me and tried to escape.

He then actually stopped at the intersection and turned on his right turn signal before proceeding to make a legal right on red turn. Can you believe that? After hitting and running, running a red light and speeding the wrong way up a one way street... he stops, turns on his signal, and looks both ways before getting back on the road where he hit me, still heading away from the scene.

Meanwhile, 911 emergency finally picks up as I turn to follow the jackass who was trying to escape me. He was driving this POS ratty blue and rust Chevy Cavalier so there was no way he was going to lose me. I was right on his tail as the 911 operator spoke, "911 - please state the nature of your emergency"

Now, I will admit to having made fun of various 911 calls I've overheard or seen on the TV, where the people involved just babble on incoherently. I can understand that now. With the adrenalin coursing like a raging river through my body, my words flew out in a mere nanosecond - "I'monforesthillavenueandthisguyrearendedmeandisnowtryingtofleethesceneinanearly90'sbluecavaliergoingwestboundonforesthillapproachingpowhiteparkway"
breathe
"andIamrightonhisasshislicenseplatenumberisxxx-xxxandheisofmediumbuildbrownhaireyesmoustachegoatee..."

Yeah, it all came out in one rapid fire blurt.

The operator, of course, was experienced with this and had to repeatedly try to catch my attention..

"Sir" ... "Sir" ... "you're going to have to slow down" ... "sir"

"Now, could you start over slowly, please?"

You know what? They need to hire speed listeners to be 911 operators. But in any case, I gave her the information once again, in much more abbreviated spurts, and while the process actually took maybe 30 seconds, it felt like it took hours to complete...

And when in response to "where is he now?" I said, "Right in front of me, heading west down Forest Hill Avenue just past Powhite Parkway interchange" she said, "Sir, you are going to have to stop following him so we can get a police report."

"WHAT?!! But I'm right behind him and I don't want him to get away!"

"Sir. It is not legal for you to be doing this. You MUST stop."

"Dammit. Okay, I'll stop at the 7-11 right up the street near the Pony Pasture"

"Sir, we will be sending a unit your way shortly. Do you need an ambulance?"

Well, at the time, my body was so doped up on adrenalin that I felt no pain, only a need to cause some, so I said, "No, I'm okay." And to the 7-11 I went, and stopped and waited for the cops.

Some 15 minutes went by before the cops arrived, and by then, the rush had passed and my neck started hurting and I got a massive headache. Turns out that I strained my neck from having slid up into the roof and spent about 6 weeks in and out of physical therapy to stop the continual headaches and neck pain I felt.

As for the guy? Well, while I was reporting to the cop at the Sev, he received radio word that they had found the car but having crossed into the county, the city cop was waiting for county mounties to take custody of the situation. Turns out he had driven homewards, and turning onto his home street, he wrecked the car in a steep ditch on his own freaking street, then ran and hid in the house. So, yeah, drinking was apparently involved.

Now, the aftermath. The car was still technically owned by my ex at the time and it was under her insurance. I hadn't paid in full for the car at yet. Her Dad? A lawyer. Did I sue? Hell yes. Now, normally, I'm not litigious by nature and I really hate the whole lottery view of law that so many people have taken - so many people suing for things that were caused by their own stupidity and getting away with it. It just doesn't seem right. Just the year or so prior, I had been rearended in my otherwise undamaged Camaro and my rear end was mangled up, but I didn't sue them. Their insurance paid me to cover costs of repairs and I let it go at that, though I could have done otherwise - he totalled my car so it was a pretty good impact... but the pain was minor and those young kids stayed while I called the insurance company right then and there. But this guy? This punk fled the scene. He tried to get away with it. AND my neck REALLY hurt. The headaches were constant and gave me difficulty at work until the therapy started working to my benefit. So, yeah, I sued him and have no guilt about it whatsoever. I didn't go for "extra" but I got my expenses paid for and time lost from work, etc - it was very fair. THAT is really how I think suing people should be - fair. Oh well, but that's another topic entirely.

Oh, total side note, those massages were great... and everyone (except ONE guy) at that therapy place was really and attractive woman - kinda reminded me of that Seinfeld episode when they were talking about all the women who worked at the Diner. No, seriously. Not a bad looker in the joint. So I guess sometimes there is good from bad, right? Yeah, I'm such a male pig sometimes. I'll admit it - I enjoy looking at a woman. So sue me. Any hetero male who says otherwise is lying. But I digress

Anyway, so that's how it all, more or less, went down...
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HNT 15 - Heinous New year's Travesty

The Harvey family of 4 was mercilessly slain in their South Richmond home New Years' Day.

There isn't much I can do about or for the unfortunate Harvey family and friends and sometimes, when things like this happen to you or someone you know or even a stranger, one of the worst parts of it all is the helplessness you feel. It is as if there is nothing you can do to change it. Nothing within your power to make things right. I don't know the Harvey family, but I can empathize with their loss on some small scale, though I have never had as enormous a tragedy as this occur to me or mine. So, my prayers and most sincere condolences go out to their family and friends.

And this picture is my message to the perpetrators of that crime and, really, to all the other hideous crimes people commit against one another. I had originally created this photo for another reason, but I really don't know what else to say. It's all that I can do. I apologize to any readers who now feel some somber weight of the world brought down by this. I just felt like saying SOMETHING about it.

Why do some people have to suck so bad they suck the life out of others?

So uHNT. Go visit Osbasso's site for details.

ROAD TRIP - Part 3

So Thursday - FAMILY DAY - rolls around. Group gathers to go see the Marine Emblem Ceremony. This is when they symbolically become Marines, in a sense. They have these little emblems (hence the title for this event) that they wear on their caps - they are the Marine Emblem, of course (even more the reason for the ceremony's name). They are given these emblems to pin on their caps.

Of course, the fact of the matter is that they've had these emblems on since way back before, but it's a nice little symbolic ceremony, as most ceremonies are.

There was a huge amount of fanfare and "OORAH" that went with the whole deal and I tried my best to get good video footage for a future DVD to give to the boys. Of course, we got there NOT EARLY and thus I was relegated to a difficult shooting position in a far corner of the hall. Now, there were 6 platoons here, numbering about 90 recruits each... and with their shaved faces and heads and uniforms, it was difficult in the least to locate the 2 boys, no matter how hard I scanned - even with the zoom on the camcorder, the best I could do was locate recruits that were POSSIBLY the boys we came to see. Ahh well. Should make for an interesting video anyway.

A quick note on Parris Island. This place is a tiny little island located, basically, in the middle of a swampy marshland area, surrounded by gators, infested with the worst sort of sand fleas imaginable, swelteringly humid and hot in the summer, chilly and windy in winter, covered in sand that gets everywhere... a perfect place to separate the chaff from the wheat and make a boy into, well, a lean mean fighting machine for Mother Green. Nice enough place to visit. Wouldn't wanna live there. Now, back to our tale in progress...

After the ceremony, the recruits were given about 6 hours of on base liberty. We first went to their barracks, where we saw where they slept and dormed for the previous 13 weeks. If you want an idea of how this place looked, I suggest watching Full Metal Jacket, one of the finest movies ever made. No, really - it is an excellent film with some very memorable boot camp scenes. Definitely worth a viewing. The boys told us some of their stories of boot camp and they all sounded like hell or entertaining, depending on your viewpoint. Definitely something they will NEVER forget.

After this, we took the boys for a game of bowling and a bite to eat. On base, they actually have a Subway and a Pizza Hut, and some Greek-Italian joint. We chose Pizza Hut, only because it seemed like their line was shorter... This meant, of course, that the lines were just slightly less ridiculously long. Figure all the friends and families that came to see these appx 588 recruits graduate and put almost all of them in lines for the same places to eat. Oh, by the way, the Greek joint was closed... so that left just the 2 spots. Hooray! (or should I say, "Oorah?"

Me personally? Not a Pizza Hut fan. Being a half-Italian boy with family in New York - I know what REAL pizza is SUPPOSED to taste like, and that just ain't it.

Also, it came as a bit of a surprise to me, but they graduate a class of Marine recruits EVERY WEEK. That would be appx 600 Marines * 52 weeks/year = some 30,000 new Marines each year. The mind boggles at the numbers until you consider that, well, there are Marines retiring and being discharged all the time. And while not every Marine makes a career out of it, please remember to NEVER refer to anyone as an EX-Marine. As their saying goes, Once a Marine, Always a Marine. There is not much else you could say to a retired or discharged Marine than calling them an EX-Marine. Trust me on this one. And they've definitely earned the right to their badge of pride and honor, so give them their due, okay?

Now then, just an hour or so after getting into the line, we finally got our "delicious" lukewarm pizza product. Yum. Well, not really. But it was better than nothing. By this time, the 6 hours were almost all spent, so we bid our farewells and left base.

Now, in Part 4 - the activities got very amusing. Seriously.

Stay tuned...