Thoughts of Cold Weather...

Last night it actually got cold again. For some of you other Northern Hemispherers, it being November means well, DUH, of COURSE it's cold; however, we in Virginia have been blessed with unseasonably warm weather for several extra weeks this year. ( And I certainly hope my mentioning of it doesn't make it go away!! )

Now, I am not saying we in "the South" suffer horrible winters, but we do actually get snow on occasion. No, really, we do.

This whole thought process started when I read Jade's post from the other day. She mentioned the cold hitting them up there in Chi-town. And then she blasted D.C. drivers for their complete inability to handle a few snowflakes. Well, she's right, of course - partly due to the fact that snow is rare enough around here to cause a commotion, and partly due to the fact that, simply put, most D.C. drivers SUCK. Either they freak out completely and slow down to a crawl whenever they see ANYTHING out of the ordinary, or they fly by as if they somehow have some sort of magical force that will keep their car on the road, regardless of weather and road conditions.

Have you ever wondered why sometimes you get stuck on the interstate in a traffic jam? You crawl at 5mph (that would be 8kph for you metroids)... stop... 5 mph... stop... 5 mph... stop... rinse ... cuss ... repeat? And then, at some odd undefined point, the traffic all simply dissipates - no visible accident, no sign of a scuffle, no road hazards to be seen ANYWHERE? Anyone who has driven on a highway has experienced this at least once, I am sure.

Well I know what it is and how it is caused.

And here's the answer: Ever see those squirrels on that insurance commercial? Yeah, well, one of those guys hops out on the side of the road and flips off a D.C. driver - see, the squirrels can read so they know which ones to do this to - then that driver freaks out and slows down... and ALL the rest of the people have to caterpillar to a crawl... and this gets worse and worse until

*WHAM*

*BAM*

*TRAFFIC JAM*.

This is like going to the movies for those damned squirrels. Sitting there on the guard rails, munchin' on popped acorns and nuts, giggling their evil, furry asses off.

Now then, going back to the snow thing. This is something I have always wondered about. In this fine state of Virginia - okay, YES, it is actually technically the Commonwealth of Virginia, and not a state... WHATEVER! Okay, so in Virginia, as soon as snow has been seen, there is a massive run on the grocery store for milk, eggs, and bread. Hell, it doesn't even need to actually snow - if there is a RUMOUR that a snowflake MIGHT have been seen - a SINGLE, SOLITARY FLAKE - then there will be no eggs for you (or milk or bread).

So here is my question. Why eggs, milk, and bread? What the hell? Does everyone who gets snowbound around here suddenly have the munchies for French Toast? WTF? Me? I'd rather have some grilled meat than French Toast - not to demean the French, or anything... but what up with the whole milk-eggs-bread thing? Omelet with toast? French Toast. Egg Sammich? Bleh.

And COME ON, people. It's VIRGINIA not MANITOBA. If we get 6 INCHES of snow, that probably sets a record.... and it won't likely last a WEEK! Can't you go a WEEK without FRENCH TOAST??? Now in Minnesota or Manitoba or Quebec, I wouldn't be surprised to hear about 6 FEET of snow... and they can handle it just fine. Of course, their snow STAYS AROUND for months. Here in Virginia, if it lasts a week or two, that's shocking. So lay off the damned eggs - they are NOT going to disappear unless we have a freaking NEW ICE AGE. And if THAT happens? Well, an extra dozen eggs and a loaf of bread isn't gonna help you for squat. Nope nope nope. That's when you need to get some gear and go huntin' and fishing... and move further south.

But in defense of D.C. drivers... and Virginia drivers, for that matter - we don't see enough snow... so it's freaky when it happens. Me? I love it... but I have fam from up north and I'm a transplant here...

If you're a D.C. driver? Well, if you don't like getting taxed without representation? Move to Northern Virginia or Maryland.... but then you can't say you live in D.C.
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