Laryngitis

It sucks. It blows. It is the silent vocal killer that creeps behind doorways and lampshades, just waiting for its chance to leap, unsuspecting upon singers, actors, comedians, and politicians... of course, who cares if it beats up on a politician, right? But me? I'm a singing comedian, a comic singer... a funny guy with a semi-decent voice... or at least, that's what THEY tell me.

Now, I know that we have all asked the question, "Who the hell are THEY?" That mysterious unspecified group of experts, omniscients, and contortionists who know all, do all, and have all been there before. And yet, why the hell aren't THEY doing anything about curing even the smallest of irritating little inconveniences such as, well, laryngitis. I mean, c'mon, it's not like I'm asking THEM to cure cancer - although I am pretty sure that the cure already exists and is well known to the American Cancer Society... but why would THEY let the cure out? I mean, it would cost them billions upon billions of dollars... and as WE all know, the money is in the treatment, NOT the cure. So what do I say? Screw THEM.

But I digress. I always do.

So, where was I? Oh yes, laryngitis. Yep, I have it again. I had it back in February, when I first "re-"started my music "career"... and I lost my voice. But not for just a week or so... nope. It was gone for 7 weeks. That's over 40 days to you and me. After 2 weeks, I couldn't even make a croaking noise - best I could manage was just a whisper no matter how hard I tried.

Can you imagine not being able to speak clearly, or even audibly, for 7 weeks? Now, think of it this way - I was trying to sing and to hook up with other musicians and score a gig as a lead or backup singer/guitarist. How easy is that to do when you sound like Froggy? I gained respect for those who cannot speak - it is frustrating in the least to lose the ability to communicate well, to speak and be heard... hell, just being able to speak. And here I am once again, dreading every moment I need to speak and worrying about just how long this is going to last.

I have a gig this coming Saturday night. Poor Kirk... methinks he is going to be doing an awful lot of singing. I suppose it's a good thing that he used to solo a lot in recent years. And I'll get to work more on my improv/lead guitar skills... I suppose that could be good for me, yeah? Oh well...

I suppose I only have myself to blame. It all started one night when I went to hear my drummer play in one of his other bands. It was nice little Friday night excursion... until Mr. Long Island Iced Tea decided to fool me into thinking that, "Yes. Yelling louder than a 747 was indeed a good thing to do... and, NO... that little tickle at the back of your throat? It means nothing..." I certainly couldn't feel the back of my throat from all those extra strong LI Iced Teas I drank.

I suppose that's one of the banes and benefits of knowing the bartenders in a place. If they know you, they might have your drink ready and waiting for you... but they also might ignore you for a while as they serve strangers first, knowing you are a patient sort. Of course, when they DO serve you, they sure do seem to like to pour the liquor heavy. And who am I to complain about that? And she really did turn it up on me that night - since I finally WASN'T the designated driver FOR ONCE. It was a tall glass she poured... and when you only have enough space at the top for a tiny splash of coke/pepsi and all the rest is filled with those white liquors and ice... well, it's gonna be a stiffy.

So, on the plus side, my sinuses were certainly clear from those drinks. Maybe that's when that tiny virus hopped down my throat and latched itself onto my vocal chords? Who knows? I just know I can barely bitch about it... and if I did, no one would hear me.

So thanks, all you blogheads out there, for reading my bitching. When my voice improves, we'll be recording a demo CD... and I'll set up a myspace so you can suffer with my "good" voice then!

And YES - that picture is REALLY of vocal chords! Really! Damn, such gutterminds some people be having.

Have a great Tuesday!
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