The Problem with Heather

Well, she told me I oughta post my theories on why it is that this green-eyed uber-girl from Canada remains single. I gotta tell ya, I've been racking my brains on this topic trying, with what limited information I have at my disposal (that being her blog), to discern exactly why it should be that she doesn't even mention having a P.P. like Steph now has.

FYI - P.P. = Penis Prospect

And no offense whatsoever to the heartbreaker, Princess Steph, but she can line 'em up and knocks 'em down whenever she wants - I think the song Killer Queen was written about her, and I must guess that they are at leat within the same range of looks quality from the pics gathered so far. And one would think that these green eyes would attract the attention of at least 3 in 10 available males in the area... and if you saw this walking your way, I would bet money there would be a bit of a following. Funky Bee has mentioned and agreed that I am not singular in this opinion, as have most people who walk a blog and land on her site.
This lengthy list includes:
Osbasso - who as the initiator of Half-Nekkid Thursdays, has a special insight into beauty seen on the web.
Jenny - from THE Ohio, no less. ( I figured it must be called THE Ohio, since their state university is THE Ohio State University, right?)
Rachel - of the spotless mind asylum blog
Bill - he of the tangents and rants
Big Bill - whose dog loves to smell his farts, so he claims
Locutus of Borg - mentioned because there are plenty of Trekkies out there, I know
... and so on, and so on.

Well, let's take a closer look at this situation... let's list the qualities that, for most men, would shoot her straight to the top of the lists (listed in the standard order of importance for men):

1. hot - so say all the bloggers
2. sexy - ditto
3. has breasts - yes, simply having them is important
4. has nice breasts - yes, must indicate to differentiate between simply having a pair and having a nice set
5. cute - ref your football uniform pic
   
6. has hot friends - see recent post
7. apparently likes bananas - see yet another post
   
8. green eyes - "Oooh, the girl with green eyes who can tame the burning blade..."
9. curvy - okay, so maybe that's my opinion. I'm not into the anorexic model look as I'd break em... but some curves in the right spots? That's A-IGHT.
   
10. long(ish) hair - hair on chicks is great... long hair is better to most men... but, I'll admit that men don't mind em bald either...
11. has flashed the aforementioned nice breasts to win a contest
12. loves sports
13. doesn't mind a good party
14. plays video games
15. competitive
16. sings
17. plays guitar
    
18. cooks

Other items which might be considered by some after the above list can also be noted:

1. has her own job
2. has her own business
   
3. has her own money
   
4. reads
   
5. has a mind
   

Now then, let us take a look at the things that might be keeping the surprisingly missing men at bay:

1. likes video games - and might be able to whip his ass at them. Do you REALLY want your friends reminding of the time she handed your ass to you on Madden? And SHE was using the Detroit Lions?
   
2. competitive - Don't wanna lose to a girl... crap. At anything...
   
3. loves sports - and might know more about them... best brush up on all them football and handball rules lest you get schooled, boy.
   
4. has a mind - crap. This means conversations.
   
5. has a mind of her own - Damn. Miss them good ole days...
6. has a mind all her own - so much for that Stepford Wives dream, eh?
7. reads - oh no, she reads? Will I have to also?
   
8. has her own job - what if it's better than yours?
9. has her own money - She won't need you.
   
10. plays guitar - Hey, can you do better? Or is all you can do is play the kazoo?
11. gets along with her mom - can you say "future mother-in-law"? Eek
12. gets along with her family - I have enough problem family members of my own, thank you
13. is close with her family - which therefore means he will have to be also
14. all items above listed in a bunch - she's probably taken

Hmmm. Maybe they're simply scared they won't be able to keep up or keep you interested. I'm at a loss. Maybe it's them Canadian Men out there, eh? And what's THAT all aboot, anyway?
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of course, this entry was a great excuse to throw arry-ones (that's ebonics for "everyone's") links to blogs and profiles on my page... felt like a good day to throw people all over the blogiverse...