Stuff I Done Heard This Weekend...

While in recovery, I heard these tales (and more to come):

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. Rudeness and Stupidity - a bad combination .
the scene - a club/bar with a deck that overlooks a scenic river
A - Man, she has got some great lookin lips. They're real DSL's, man. I bet they could suck a...
B - Umm, dude. You're talkin about my wife there

A - Oh, sorry man.
...
A - But she's got some real DSL's, dude. I bet she..
B - Listen, man, you are really crossing the line here. You are really disrespecting me AND my wife and I suggest you shut the hell up.

A - Oh, right... right, sorry man...
..
A - but she's got some great DSL's

B picks up A and throws him right off the deck into the river

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. Women get beer goggles too .
the scene - a dance club where ladies, get this, get in free AND drink free... what a combo

W - It's my birthday and I want to try a three-way
H - Well, okay (trying not to sound too pleased at the prospect)
W - okay, let's go and pick someone

W goes and lays on the liquid courage... goes dancing
... on the tables...
... get HAMMERED...
... semi-topless...
... goes off into the restroom...
... for some 20 minutes ...
... and is carried out...

... she had 7 different ladies' numbers in her pocket now ...

Drunk W - Honey, I picked up a girl I want to bring home and share...
H - Really, where is she?

Drunk W points towards the bar

H - I can't see her... where is she?

Drunk W points again

H - What? You mean behind that big blonde samoan-looking dude?
W - No, that's her
H - You mean the big scary-looking one? That's a her?
W - Honey... isn't she pretty?
H - Umm, no.
... he immediately carried her drunk ass out of there...
... and carried her THREE blocks to their car...

of course, this was followed by a futile attempt at the wife opening the car window... followed by a whole lot of technicolor yawning and powerchucking...

On the plus side, the guy at the Car Wash got a $50 tip to clean out the car... poor guy.
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