Thank Os It's Thursday

Yes, yes, I know. Same old pic when I promised something new... but I have a REALLY good excuse. Are you ready for it? My cheesy excuse for this rehashed Half-Nekkid Thursday pic?

No, I mean, are you REALLY ready for it?

Okay, here it comes..

I was busy.

Yep. That says it ALL right there. I just couldn't get it all done...

Moving right along then...
Last night I played at the last pre-football season Open Mike at my local redneck/country bar and they still don't quite know what to make of me. That's okay - I'm used to it by now. But I did have a few weird "faux-rockstar" moments.

There I was, happily playing my parody of REO Speedwagon's "Take It On The Run" and this seemingly youngish lady was dancing with a definitely older gentleman. She appeared, from the rear (the only view I had of her), to be in her late-20's to mid-30's from what little I could see in the somewhat dimly lit place, and he was definitely rolling up in or into his 50's.

"Well, he's probably feelin' all right, " I thought to myself as she pulled every MTV On The Beach crotch-grinding, nether-region rubbing maneuver she could seem to think of. Halfway through the song they finally figured out that I was actually singing "Take it up the bum, baby" and they laughed and rolled right along with it. "Well, this is a friendly crowd, " I mused.

Shortly after this I played the ever-popular "Vaseline" (my parody to Bush's "Glycerine" - you figure it out) and then went into the bar-pleasing anti-men (and previously blog-mentioned) song "Men Are A$$holes". Of course, someone had spread the rumor that I had written a men's retort to this song and they requested it loudly - this was surprising. One of those shouting loudest for it was the 50 year old happy-to-be-ground-upon dude.

So he walks up to me and says, "You know what? All women have peanuts in their pu##ies? Yep, they're all f@ckin nuts!"

So I played the new song, "Women Are Crazy", which was received well and the night went on for a few more tunes...

Well, you know the MTV show, Jackass? You know Johnny Knoxville? Well, I played a slightly altered version of his cousin Roger Alan Wade's song, "BB Gun" which has these lines in it:

I'd like to... shoot you in the ass with a BB Gun
Lay there in the tall grass and wait for the cops to come
Put a blood blister upon each bun
I'd like to shoot you in the ass with a BB Gun

Well, needless to say, with the crowd already riled up as they were, this song went over well... but that's not the point of this tale.

You see, during this song, the aforementioned seemingly 20/30-year old girl walked up to the stage right after the first verse to whisper in my ear. It was as she walked up to the stage that I actually finally got a frontal view of this... "young" woman.

damn...

let's just say that spring chicken is NOT an appropriate term... and that, well, beauty must be in the eye of the beholder, and I was definitely not a-beholdin it... I mean, I am no gorgeous superfit model, by any means, but...

damn...

I felt dirty. And my eyes got a bit nervous... So anyway, this suddenly scary Susan walks up to me all slinky like... as I was playing and singing... picture your own granny walkin with a slink and giving you that "LOOK" - you know the one - walkin up to you, touching you with a soft caress on the shoulder, leaning in REAL close, and breathily whisperin into your ear (with a little nibble no less!) these words:

"I wouldn't mind if you'd poke me in the ass with somethin' aside from a BB Gun".

Yeah... I couldn't believe it either.

I completely lost my place in the song....

but I did manage NOT run away screaming like a little girly-man...

Still, the show must go on and I don't like bein mean unless it's really called for, SOOO.. I covered up with this:

"Damn... she made me completely lose my concentration there (laugh)... now, where was I?" - kept playing the whole time and didn't let the shiver of fear and paranoia show at all. Of course, my friends that were there got a barrel-belly laugh out of it when I told them later what THAT was all about.

So, that was 2 faux-rockstar moments.

After the show, some complete stranger insisted upon not only shaking my hand, but actually hugging me and rubbing his scraggly 5 o'clock shadow cheek on me.

I was thinking, "Umm... excuse me but, do I know you? Are we somehow related or something?"
"Fraternity brother maybe?"
"Distant cousin?"
"Ex-girlfriend's cousin thrice-removed on her mother's side?"

Seriously though, what is up with some people? I don't mind hugs from friends and family that I know but, dude... for one, you're not completely washed and I really don't have half a clue who the hell you are... What up with that?

I'm not homo-phobic... more like, stranger-careful. I don't hug guys on first meetings...

go ahead and call me a freak for that one.

So, yeah, I was busy. Wish I had a pic of the before and after (ie. back and front) of Miss 30/50-something... so you can see I'm not crazy...