Abusive Language

Here are some phrases and words that people oft get wrong. Yes, it annoys the elitest bastard crap out of me (and Pungo too... just assed him). I used to torture him by using every single one of these phrases 0n him at all the most improper opportunities.:

ASK - one would think this would be so simple to pronouce properly, right? Three whole letters... what could go wrong? Well, we have the ebonics AXE which seems like such a rude way to phrase a question. Unfortunately, it seems to go hand in hand with rude at times. Of course, someone I know also pronounces it as ASSED which is really humorous at times, a la Ace Ventura and needing a breath mint. At least this person is consistent - they also pronounce 'desk' as DEST. There is something to be said for consistency.

To Kill For - As in, "that dessert was To Kill For". People, the proper phrase is To Die For. The whole point being that whatever the topic of the phrase is referring to is so awesome, so jaw-droppingly good, that it would be worth dying for in order to have. Duh.

Library - I have to assume that not everyone knows there are actually two R's in this word. Libary. As in LIE-BERRY. Is that some new kind of fruit? BAH!! I think people who can't pronounce this word need to go to the language reference desk in the Libary and go learn the language. On a side note, I actually discovered that, ironically, one of the variants of the common BLACKBERRY is called the MARIONBERRY. I didn't actually have time to read up on it, as yet, but I have to wonder if this is what happens when you fertilize a blackberry with crack cocaine...?

I Can't Fathom - I had to do a double-take when I heard this one go wrong as, "I can't Phantom." Wha? Is this person afraid of ghosts and spectres to the point of using them as an excuse for not understanding something? I can't phantom how they pulled this one off with a straight face.

Adamant - I've heard this one pronounced Abdament recently. I had to wonder, does this person have abs of steel? Their gut tell them to do such and such with iron force? What the...?

Could have, Should have, Would have - That HAVE is a whole word. And it is NOT the word OF. You wanna write it so it sounds like "w/sh/could of" then you need to use the contractions.

Would've. Could've. Should've.

How about these sample sentences:
Well, you could've done better in English, but you didn't. Maybe you should've studied grammar and punctuation more, Johnny. Then you would've, perhaps, graduated from middle school before you started getting 5 o'clock shadow every day.

Populate, emulate - I list these as a pair because the same bad southern pronunciation was used for BOTH of these words, and any others of similar nature. Populate became POP-UH-LATE, and emulate was EM-UH-LATE. Does POP-UH-LATE mean the item was destined for expansion followed by destruction at some future time? EM-UH-LATE sounded far more like IMMOLATE, which means basically to engulf in flames... well, made me wanna, I tell ya.

REGARDLESS - Ever have someone tell you that IRREGARDLESS is a word because they found it in the dictionary? Well, sure it's a word... then again, so is "Googoogaga" but you don't see anyone past age 4 using that either, do you? (With the exception of adults cooing at a baby, and that's only forgivable if you don't actually HAVE to listen to them) And what is the point of adding an extra "IR" to the front of the word? It doesn't change the intended meaning these poor saps apply to it. It's kinda like adding a huge wing or a "fart can" exhaust pipe on the back of your Honda Civic - doesn't do SQUAT for you - they just think it looks/sounds cool, I guess. (but hoopdie cars are ANOTHER topic entirely - I'll go there some other time) I think the word they really want to use is IRRESPECTIVE. That's a perfectly good word and it's not used often enough. Try it out - impress your friends with some PROPER language skills for once. Damn.

For All Intents and Purposes - Ahh... another choice item. People say it so quickly that it comes out as For All Intensive Purposes, right? Well, unless you work in a hospital, you're probably saying it wrong. I mean, what the hell would that mean, anyway? That what you are introducing to the conversation is only for use in life-threatening or extreme circumstances? What you say is likely really not that important, you know? So get off your high horse, you self-important squib.


Well, there are plenty more, to be sure, but I'll leave those for you to throw back at my face, if you wish. I simply had to clarify my use of the word "IRREGARDLESS" on a comment I posted somewhere and this is the result. If worse comes to worst, at least some of you will have chosen the difficult path...

And has anyone every heard of a SPELLCHECKER? DAMN! (By the way, I didn't use one... so if any of you spot a mangled word here - please feel free to point it out to meeeeee.)

Now, if only I had 6 dozen on one hand and a half on the other...
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