'Scuse the Interruption

Let me be the first one to say that I am not the neatest person in the world. My cube is sometimes (often) a wreck, my basement is in a perpetual state of "I'm still moving stuff around"-ism, and when the laundry hamper is not available... well, let's just say the world IS my hamper. (I AM housebroken and hamper-broken, however - I do use them, you know, when they're there.)

Now, that having been said, let's talk about office restroom etiquette.

Here are some big-time, BIG-TIME no-no's (particularly geared for the small office environment):

1. You do NOT leave the toilet paper roll on there with NO paper on it... and for these purposes, 5 or 10 sheets rolled around the roll in a clever fashion to make it LOOK like there is more paper is NOT acceptable
2. If the paper is almost gone, bring another roll into the john. I mean, come on - in our small office, it's a 50 foot walk to get more paper.
3. Don't piss on the toilet seat. You're not at home. What you do at home with your own bathroom is your OWN business. Here? You're sharing. And for this small office, if we have customers here, how do you think they'll react to a piss-stained toilet seat?
4. Let me reiterate the piss on seat rule. Damn. Lift the freaking toilet seat if you're gonna take a leak.
5. Shit on the seat? You BETTER clean it up - and I don't mean just wipe it off. How about some soap or lysol there, good buddy? And why the hell are you crapping on the seat for, anyway? Were you raised by bears or something? How about you buy some DEPENDS then, eh?
6. If I repeated the piss thing twice, then I DEFINITELY have to repeat the poorly aimed stool thing here. I'm still trying to figure out how that happened... are you trying to do the hover maneuver? Damn.
   
7. Leaving behind an... aroma (and you probably are)? How about using some of that air freshener? And leave the friggin' fan ON - what do you think? The smell just walks away on its own? Well, yes it does - right into the rest of damn office. Thanks. Just what I wanted to SMELL before lunch. Thanks a lot!
   
8. And, really, if you're doing ANYTHING that MIGHT leave a fragrance... do that spray. Regardless of what you may believe, your farts and your crap do NOT smell like "little puffs of lavender". You are NOT a walking Febreze bottle and you were NOT inflated with Glade Air-Freshener on the day you were born. Your ass is as a good a place as any for a StickUp, I don't care WHO you are.
9. If it's a "big-un", please make sure it ALL goes away. Flush twice. Especially if you're putting down more mortar than bricks, okay? And clean it up. I mean, everyone blows out their ASS-GASKET from time to time, but I don't want to have to suffer with you, alright? I can feel bad for you, just don't make me feel bad BECAUSE OF you.
10. Pubes. Great when attached. Funny little name, pubes. Annoying when caught in teeth or the throat. Just plain rude when left on the seat.

Well, I'm sure there are plenty more rules I could throw down there, but these are the ones most prominently in mind - probably because some asshat in this office doesn't seem to understand these basic principles on a regular basis. I mean, it's a simple thing of being considerate.... does this make me an evil "prima donna" for wanting the restroom to at least be presentable and NOT look like the indoor outhouse of a Waffle House at 2:30am (when the drunk crowd has rolled in from all the bars) ??

Is that so much to ask?

Is it?
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