Me Me Monday #1

1. Most people call me Wop, including close friends, some of whom do not know my REAL name.

It's true. It all started a long time ago, in a galaxy far, far away.....

( cue the epic John Williams sountrack)

Okay, well... it was a bit more local then that...

It really all started in Hawaii..

( cue the overdone stock cheesy ukulele muzak)

I was an impressionable youth, quiet and shy, never cussing, full of the spirit and faith, a regular chuch-goer, and member of the church youth choir in the tiny planned residential community of Mililani Town. Before I continue, let me reiterate that I was, indeed, quiet and shy. I know that most of you would hardly believe or accept this fact but it was the God's Honest Truth.

Seriously.

I mean it.

In any event, one day I saw my elder brother sporting this cool yellow t-shirt with this sweet surfing design on it, on the back of which were the prophetic words : "Wopanese Make Better Lovers" in big, bold, capital letters... At the time, I didn't know what to make of it - I was young and naive... innocent, even. I didn't know what "a lover" was. I wasn't quite aware of sex at the time - I was 12 then, okay? And in Hawaii, things seem to move at a bit more of a casual pace out there. There is a reason that the term "Hawaiian Time" exists, okay brah?

Now, fast forward a few years into high school. I took to using the nickname "The Wopanese Kid". Of course, where you put the emphasis changed the meaning... as indicated below:

• THE Wopanese Kid - The one and only... which was obviously not entirely true, seeing as how I had three siblings at the time.
  
• The WOPANESE Kid - Putting the emphasis here in order to "confuse the enemy" and pay tribute to my Meditterasian heritage.
  
• The Wopanese Kid - no real emphasis anywhere... my foolish youthful tribute to the rebels of the Wild, Wild West... hey, it worked for Butch and Sundance, right? I mean, all the way up to that little incident with the ENTIRE MEXICAN ARMY.

I even went so far as to have a t-shirt made with that on it. And just so you know, it is pronounced as follows:

• Wop - rhymes with POP. NOT Woe-p or Whoop. Wop. As in I'll "pop" a cap in yo ass if you mispronounce my name. I'm Rick James, bitch!
• a - as in DUH
• nese - exactly like knees... as in the "...the girlies wear their skirts up to their kneeses, and shows us the thing that teases and pleases and gives us diseases, by Jesus..." - or something like that. I don't remember the full toast, but I do know the internet... google rules and sent me HERE where I got this bawdy toast:

Here's to the breezes that blows through the treeses

And lifts the girls skirts up above their kneeses
To show us the things that teases and pleases
And gives us diseases
By Jesus

SCIENTIFIC HYPOTHESIS:
There is something I have noticed about most people: they have a much, MUCH simpler time remembering names of only 1 or 2 syllables. You get to 3 and people oft forget your name. I wonder if any scientific study has been done to show the correlation? In any event, most people, rather than calling me Wopanese, which was far too long and unwieldy for everyday conversation, chose to call me Wop. Wop as a name has several advantages over my real name, a VERY common 3-syllable Italian name

1. Wop is nice, short, sweet, and to the point. This is, of course, completely in contradiction to me, especially the part about being to the point, as if you hadn't noticed...
2. Drunk people love, and I mean LOVE, to say Wop... When I meet people, and they are drunk, and I tell them I go by "Wop", they usually burst out into laughter... and then they say, "Wooooooo-p! Wop wop wop! Dude, that's f**king GREAT!"
3. Wop is EASY to remember
4. Wop is not likely to be anyone else's nickname, especially not if he's Italian. Most northerners, and by that I mean the "Civil War North", as in the Northeastern US. That would be Maryland and north thereof, Ohio and West there of (and maybe Chicago). They know what Wop means - and it's not a nice thing to call an Italian, mmkay? Most everyone else has no clue... unless they know, or have been to, "the North"
5. It's only 1 syllable, unlike my 3 syllable, obviously Italian, real first name. In fact, my whole name is overtly Italian, if Americanized somewhat in spelling... somewhat.

In high school, I never really paid it much attention - everyone knew me as "Wop" and it was easy to get in touch with people. I knew everyone who knew everyone and everyone had everyone else's number and we all knew where our friends lived so it was never really an issue.

And then I went off to college. After a couple of years, I decided to join a fraternity...
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more details tomorrow when I have more time
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