Nothing Special To Report

Nothing happened of much note within my localize area so I really have nothing new to write about.

You know, I've read a lot of blogs that have an entry similar to the above. I have to wonder why this happens. I know that we are all thinking something... maybe we just don't feel they are worth writing about, or perhaps, READING about. Lucky for you people, in general, I'll go ahead and write it anyway, simply because, whether or not my crap is worth reading or not.

Which makes me wonder... crap reading. I've heard of reading tea leaves and tossing bones... they seem so unrelated to an individual. Now, phrenology... is that not the reading of the bumps on someone's noggin'? So, if I think the reading sucks... does that mean I can simply go bash my head with a bat to improve my future? That would be a BASEBALL bat - do you take me for some kind of Ozzy wannabe?

That reminds me of days gone by in high school. For some reason, these cats in my classes - a certain group of disreputable cretins (ahh, a chance to use that word!) decided that I looked like Ozzy Osbourne - no, not the barely comprehendible, painpill poppin, semi-invalid near-ex-rocker that he is now - no, that was YEARS AGO, when Ozzy was in his prime partying years - he could do more than hop 3 inches at a show... it was also when he had that incident with the bat.. or live chicken... or something.

Anyways, they decided to call me Ozzy... for months. I don't get it - I didn't really look the part. Well, except for maybe the hair - it was more Ramones than Black Sabbath, but okay - whatever floated their boat, as it were.

Anyway, about bashing my own head with a bat. See, that would produce a different lump structure, right - and in this sad theory, a different reading for my future. Right? Are you with me here? Well, that seems a bit counterproductive, of course... maybe my future will simply be better because, hopefully by then, the headache and skull injury I may have inflicted upon myself will have healed and the pains will go away... right? Likely a self-fulfilling prophecy then, eh?

1. Read lumps
2. Lumps say bad things coming.
3. Bash skull to improve reading
4. Ouch. That hurt.
5. Wait months for skull fractures to heal
6. Gee, that sucked.
7. Viola, the reading was accurate.

So, back to crap reading... and reading crap. I know people keep coming up with new "ways of reading the future" and one has to gather that psychic energy is bound up in the things we keep upon us, right? I mean, moreso than some tea leaves we never touched, or some bones from someone ELSE's relatives tossed by some voodoo priestess... right? So I just wondered if someone does psychic scatography?? I know, I'm not right. That's disgusting.

Yep. It sure is. Then again, I never said I was right in the head, did I? I certainly wouldn't put such a silly label as that upon myself. So with all that in mind...

If bumps on the head can indicate your future, do zits on your face not count? Just curious. Just asking little questions. I mean, what if you had an ingrown hair up there? And why on the skull? Why not on the back area... or the chest? Would this then lead to nipple-reading? They are all different, after all. They vary in size and shape in an astounding number of ways... and some, ooh, have hairs... and some don't... although, I begin to believe that some people actually PLUCK them.

You know, I once dated this... oh, never mind.

So what is the big thing with armpit hair, anyway? I know that modern society, in America especially, frowns upon hair in almost any form on a woman except her head and in her, ooh, nether regions. Shaved legs. Brazilian waxing, wow. That just sounds like a painful proposition, although some people claim it gets a lot easier if you do it more often. Hmmm. I wonder if it would work on me. No, really. Shaved armpits. You know, it's not like I'm going to stuff my face in there and lick... well, okay, MAYBE I would - I'm not going to say as this is not one of THOSE kinds of blogs.

Speaking of which, there is apparently a giant community of THOSE kinds of blogs. I suppose this is just one more extension of erotica into the net - you know, at last estimate, 90% of the traffic across the net is for porn. Maybe it was 95%. It was an astoundingly large number, to be honest. I sometimes wonder at that number until I get home and check out my email. Someone borrowed my pc once (SUUUURE, Wop, SUUUURE!!) and the next thing you know, I'm getting 200+ emails a day from various porn and related sites. Hey, at least I know where I can get some pills to ".. maximize my manhood" so I can ".. satisft ANY woman" and have more "... staying power" and have "... an erection all weekend long"...

You know, I'm not entirely certain that I would WANT an erection for a whole weekend. I mean, aside from the obvious medical risk - bad things can happen when you get a woody for days on end, so I've read - it sure does make getting dressed difficult. Zippers become the enemy. And you can't just wear ANYTHING, unless you don't mind being called "that guy with the boner".

Does anyone else, and by anyone else I mean any other guys, recall getting that unintentional spontaneous erection in school? Sure, they make fun of it in just about ANY show that has teenage males in it, usually in that tired-ass same way - covering it up with the notebook, not wanting to get up in front of the class, etc... Well, someone I know, and I won't admit it to being me, actually got up in class once, hips thrust forward to make SURE it was noticed, to go to the blackboard, proudly displaying the waterworks for all to note... or at least to say, "Here is a tent." But it wasn't me. No, really. It wasn't. (Like I said, I admit to nothing.)

So, there you go... as I stated above, I pretty much have nothing of import to say today. So have a great weekend!